Music Monday

I am a big music person. It is a part of my life. I have played the piano since I was 8 and didn't stop taking lessons until my senior year of high school. My husband plays guitar when he has the time and even wrote a song shortly after Will was born. I listen to it everyday and I can already tell that it's rubbing off on my kids. Oh how I hope so. If there is one thing that I want to teach them as their mother, it's how important and useful music is. For me, music can literally turn a horrible day around. Will and Jack know that when I clean the house it's time to turn the music on. They dance around and sing to it all! It makes my heart happy.

I ran across a song that I hadn't heard in a while tonight and thought I would share before turning in. 2010 was a very hard year for my family. In January we found out that we were expecting another baby. It was a big suprise, but we were very excited. 13 ER vistis, 2 ambulance rides and over a month long stay in the hospital later, we lost our third son, Nate (Nathaniel) at just a little over 6 months pregnant with him. I gave birth to him 25 minutes past Mother's Day on May 10th. He was 1lb. 8 oz. and 9 1/2 in.

It was a series of emotions for me. Shock, anger, loss of understanding, unexplainable heartbreak, etc. I thought that coming home to my 2 beautiful boys would make it all better. They did, to a point. I delt with a massive number of physical issues after as well. The epidural I was given during the labor slipped into my spinal fluid and caused me to go numb all the way up to my neck. Because of this, the epidural never fully wore off and I found myself with peripheral nerve damage in parts of both of my legs. I could not even walk to my sons funeral. I was carried and helped by multiple people. A brilliant Neurologist and 4  1/2 months of physical therapy fixed that thankfully.

I never was totally sure how I felt about depression. I am a very happy person. I am extremely determined and have always done my best with whatever situation I have been given. I always felt like people could choose to be happy instead of taking a pill to fix it. I now know that I was partially wrong. Paritally in that I personally leaned on prayer, my husband, my two boys, my parents and music to get me through it. I did eventually get to a point where my doctors said that an anti depressent short term would be a good idea for me.

There is a song that I listened to over and over. It has been interpreted in several different ways. Love, addiction, etc, but for me- it was depression. Sara Bareielles can not only sing, but she is a pianist. Naturally I love that about her. This song makes me cry every time I here it now. I am so blessed to say that through LOTS of prayer, leaning on my favorite people and music i conquered it within about 4 months. I was only on the drugs for about half of that time. Not a day goes by without remembering my son, but at least I know he is in a happy place and I'll see him someday. Know that if you are struggling with depression or something has happened to you that caused it, you are not alone...